...gifts from mom

It was our second Christmas this year with out Mom. Since her passing two August's ago, my little sister Leslie and I have done our best to continue to celebrate every holiday, every special event; from Thanksgiving to the dogs birthday. Mom loved to celebrate and decorate, so in her honour we decorated the Christmas Tree, hung garland, put up lights and prepared for our traditional Christmas morning brunch. We didn't last year, the tree stayed boxed and the lights stayed dim - I think we were just too tired and defeated after everything that had happened.

Mom made sure she was a part of Christmas this year too. Even tho she is gone, we never stop sensing her around us. While Leslie, her husband and I were putting up the Christmas tree Leslie stumbled across a plastic tote with her name on it. She brought it upstairs to the family room and called me in from the kitchen where I was making dinner. She opened the tote and discovered that it was filled with kitchen ware, silverware, dishes, oven plates, pots and pans, dish towels, and oven mits. It was the perfect starter box for any kitchen, something my mom put together for her a year before she passed. It's just like my Mom to make sure we had something to open from her even tho shes left us. I have to admit, I felt left out for a few days, I looked around the basement for a box labeled "Bret" but didn't find one...

I was coming home from work on the Monday before Christmas, it was about 5:00pm and I had an urge to go to the Thrift Store in St. Catharines, about 10 mins away. My friend Julie works across the street so I called and see if she wanted to join me, however she was already home from work, so I decided to go anyways. Something called me there. I grabbed a cart and shuffled my way through the store. I LOVE thrift stores, I always seem to find something great (like my new Jack LaLane Power Juicer for $20)... I was looking around that day in kitchen ware, looking at dishes. I have a set, well a partial set of antique "Johnson Brothers" English China. I found them at a Garage Sale (another passion of mine) about 12 years ago. I picked up 3 dinner plates, a couple small desert bowls, and 4 salad plates, I fell in love with the pattern on the spot. Ever since then I have searched everywhere for this set of China, I have never been able to find it again, not even on e-bay or their website - they have discontinued the pattern. Just my luck! Browsing through the glass and dishware I saw a plate from my Mom's set of "Coral" dishes. For sentimental reasons I reached over and picked it up and held it in my hands. When I picked up that dish, under it I saw a big serving plate with my pattern, it totally matched my set! I was excited, I grinned from ear to ear, and at that moment I could smell my moms perfume, and knew this was my Christmas gift from her. I kept looking around, I went to the other side of the shelves and was even more surprised. Here is what I found: 12 dinner plates, 14 salad plates, 10 bread plates, 12 desert plates, 6 desert bowls, 10 soup bowls, 8 cups and saucers, 1 serving bowl, and a gravy train. I felt like such an idiot, as I loaded the dishes in to my cart I cried, lol, all the way up to the check out lines. I'm sure the guy behind the counter thought I was partially crazy, with my puffy red eyes and my set of dishes... lol

I cleaned up the dishes and put them in my cupboard. I moved my everyday dishes up to the top of the cupboard and now use these as my regular dishes.

Christmas this year felt complete, like Mom was still with us. We exchanged pajamas, woke up and opened presents and had brunch. I still missed her, especially the look in her eyes as we unwrapped gifts but I know her spirit was with us.

Now, I am going to enjoy THIS cup of tea.
Embrace the Journey
Bret xoxo

Time

Where did 2008 go, does anyone know? I've lost it somewhere around this place, maybe behind the couch, or under the bed or some damn place.

You become.

You became.

You are.

You will be.

This year has sped by. It has not dripped, but rather poured itself into what was, like an hourglass glued to the table. I find it hard to believe, I really do.

Much can happen in 365 days. I am a different person all together. Or perhaps, all apart... I am someone other than who I was, afterall you can't be the same guy even after the passing of a single day.

I have thought about living and I have thought about dying.

I have pondered the complexities of love and the simplicity of hate.

I have read books,

and walked dogs,

and flown around the globe,

and eaten Lasagna,

and washed clothes,

and baked bread,

and cried uncontrollably,

and stared at tall trees,

and contemplated life,

and slept in,

and stood tall,

and thrown my shoulders into my work,

and watched TV until I fell asleep on the couch,

and played with my cat,

and sat in the woods and painted the sunset,

and... and... and... and... You don't ever stop being and doing. I feel like I drift back and forth over the line of what is real and what is not real. I used to think that time is a pretator that stalks all through life, however now I see time as a compannion on our journey through this life and what we leave behind is not as important as how we lived.

Although fast, 2008 was a good year. I did alot of growing, and alot of healing. It's left me in some sort of "slump" tho that I can't see to get out of. I don't even know how to describe it. I just feel bla, maybe its the time of the year, maybe it's the fact that I'm back to work again now... Who knows... My creativity still kinda fades in and out, and when its in, my ambition is out. I just can't seem to get the two to match up. Even now, I am struggling for things to write, you'd think that after a month "vacation" from blogging I'd have LOTS to say... I do have lots to say, I just don't know how to organize it. You can probaby tell my thoughts are very random. lol

I can't fathom what this new year has in it's pockets. I don't want to know. I really don't. I am not much of a planner.I am ready for anything. I just want to be positive and healthy and joyful and optimistic and vital and faithful and kind. I just want to be all that I can be. I want to keep standing. I want to be brave and good. I want to believe that anything is within my grasp and that anything can happen. It can all go good. Life is a dream and I am the dreamer.

Ps. Did I mention that I'm BACK? I wanted to thank everyone as well for the messages you've all left me here and on Bohemian Moms blog too! I really appreciate all your kind words. I have been marked again as a "spam" blog, but at least this time they are letting me post, I just have to enter one of those stupid security codes before I hit the publish button. Some people are just jerks, what can I say? Life keeps a balance...

Until next time,

Embrace the Journey,

Bret =)