Saturday, September 27, 2008

Still Avoiding the Slammer!

Yup, that's right! I haven't found myself behind bars yet! LOL
Actually I am feeling very well, thanks in most part to the amazing comments left by all of you! :) In the past couple of days I have realized a few things about love, the human heart and others rights to choose.

I still feel sorta wierdish about the whole situation, which I know is to be expected. I've never been one to accept change easily -- luckily one of my Bach Flower Remedies is directly meant for dealing with new changes. I don't want to see my dad alone for the rest of his time here on this earth. I realize now that the heart doesn't replace, it expands. Once I realized that I could relate it to my own experiences. I've changed best friends over the years, loves have come and gone, but my own heart has never replaced, its just grown bigger to accept more loves. (As its in the process of growing bigger this very moment.) I think the same thing happened when a Woman has more than one child, her heart doesn't replace, it expands - which explains every time that I've asked my mom "who do you love the most" she always responded with "I love you three all the same". A typical mom answer eh? heheheh

So I've been gentle with my dad, it must be hard for him too. I told him that his new lady friend seemed very nice and very pretty too. I think he's rather stunned that I haven't lost it emotionally, lol, my sisters are rather impressed too. I've learned tho that just as I need to make my own choices, and follow my own path, my father needs to do the same. I trust his choices and decisions, and know that what is meant to happen will surly happen. Although I am not 100% okay with his timeline, these choices, (right or wrong - I can't judge him) are his to make. If he realizes that it was too soon, and he carries around guilt for his choices, it will be his to carry, not mine.

So again, thank you all so much for your comments, you've all made a very difficult transition in my life very easy. I am so thankful for all the words of wisdom, advice, heart felt stories and compassion. If any of you are every in the Niagara Falls area of Ontario let me know, I owe you a glass of wine ;)

Embracing the Journey,
One step at a time.
Bret =)

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Blogging from my Jail Cell...

Thank the Goddess for my recent rounds (including the one this morning) of Homeopathic treatments! This very blog post could have been made from the inside of a 8x8 foot Jail Cell tonight if it wasn't for my little bottle of Bach Flower Remedies I keep beside me.

I came home from a night at my sisters house to an empty house, with an 1/2 finished bottle of wine and 2 empty wine glasses sitting gingerly on the kitchen table. The house had been freshly cleaned and vacuumed, and towels were folded neatly on the bathroom counter. It was a matter of 20 minuets before my dad came home, with, can I get a drum roll please, his new Girlfriend 'Karen'... First thing I did was make sure the button on my boxers was tightly sealed, but before I could escape into a different room she was in the door and introductions were taking place.

I didn't shake her hand, I barely made eye contact. I'm not too sure why at the time, but after some time to think about it, I think I was afraid to disrespect my moms memory by welcoming her into the house. I'm not too sure what to think, what to feel, what to say... I feel very much dis attached from the situation.

We sat at the kitchen table, my father to the left, and Karen to the right. My back was to the refrigerator, where a clipping of my mothers obituary still hangs. I felt the clipping staring at me. I felt it warm my back, almost as it was slowly burning into me. It was a strange feeling. I spoke to Karen, answering personal questions about home, job and family. I really didn't know what I was saying, I just politely and respectfully answered her questions.

To be very honest, I sat at the table upset (which is a very mild feeling for me). I was upset that only after 1 year and 1 month my father has started to date. Karen isn't a new name around this house, we have been hearing her name, and seeing her number on the call display for a few months now and I've witnessed several messages regarding bottles of wine, and dinner out on the answering machine.

I'm not too sure how to describe how I am feeling only an hour after meeting her, live and in person, right here in the very home where I've grown up. I'm not too sure what I should be feeling. Any ideas? LOL I don't want my dad to be alone for the rest of his life, but part of me expects him to be. I can't go to Wallmart or Momdepot and select a new mom during a 1/2 price clearance sale. The baby doesn't get to have a Grandmother now. Why should he be allowed to move on with his life so easily? It seems that he grieves whenever it suits him. Running his own business he's been late remitting the corporate taxes many time, and his main excuse is: "I just lost my wife..." He hasn't filed a company year end in 3 years. His excuse again is: "I just lost my wife..." He claims to be so distraught that he cannot function in his everyday life (which I think is an excuse) but then brings home a Girlfriend, and expects us to be understanding. Well I assume he expects us to understand.

I think I am feeling anger, which is an emotion I have been working very hard to eliminate from my heart. I recognize it now. I see it trying to take root, I'll choose not to let it consume me, but I won't bury or suppress it. I do realize that I can't be angry or hate my father for his choices. I don't have to live with his choices, they are his to make.

Is a year too soon after death to be dating someone? Should I be sitting down with my dad (an Aries male) to have a heart to heart conversation about how I feel about this? Should I just mind my own business and ignore the situation? Should I embrace the situation and be happy for my dad that he doesn't have to be alone?

I'm feeling a little lost and overwhelmed here....
....trying to embrace my journey

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Mercury in Retrograde

I've had a few questions about Mercury entering Retrograde in the past few days, so here we go! ;)

At 07:18am on Wednesday, September 24th, 2008, Mercury the cosmic trickster turns retrograde in Libra, the sign of the Scales, sending communications, travel, appointments, mail and the www into a general snarlup! Acutally, you might have felt the the effects already as the awkward period begins a few days before the actual turning point as Mercury slows down... The retrograde peroid lasts for about three weeks or so, until October 15, just after the Full Moon in Aries, when the Winged Messenger reaches his direct station. At this time he halts and begins his return to direct motion through the zodiac.

Don't get too excited tho, you will still feel "out of sorts" until everything finally straightens out on October 31, as he passes the point where he first turned retrograde. Mercury turns retrograde three times a year, as a rule, but the effects of each period differ, according to the sign in which it happens.

Alot of people ask me "What does Retrograde mean?" Very basically A planet is described as retrograde when it appears to be moving backwards through the zodiac. Modern science says "this traditional concept arises in the illusory planetary motion created by the orbital rotation of the earth with relation to other planets in our solar system. Planets are never actually retrograde or stationary, they just seem that way due to this cosmic shadow-play."

Retrograde periods, although often problematic for us earthlings, are not particularly uncommon. Each planet retrogrades, except the Sun and Moon. Although a powerful astrological influence, Mercury is a small planet that travels at a relatively fast speed through the zodiac. Despite being the closest planet in our solar system to the Sun, it is not always in the same sign as the Sun (for example, although this time Mercury turns retrograde in Libra, the same sign as the Sun, last year Mercury turned in Scorpio while the Sun was in Libra, but headed back into Libra just as the Sun strode into Scorpio).

Fated Events
As a rule, retrograde planets presage a period of seemingly inevitable or fated events that relate to their sphere of influence. They present us with a series of events over which we seem to have little or no control, relating especially to the sign in which the retrogradation occurs. For example, Mercury retrograde in Scorpio (intensity; sexuality) presents quite different sets of circumstances from those generated when it retrogrades into Libra (relationships; harmony; ├Žsthetics).

A retrograde period is best seen as a cycle, beginning when the planet begins to slow to a halt before travelling backwards through the zodiac and ending when the planet returns to the point where it first paused. However, during the cycle, the planet's energy is most powerful (and more likely to generate critical events of universal importance) when the planet makes a station: appearing motionless in the sky.

These stationary periods occur near the beginning of the cycle (when the planet first halts as it prepares to move backwards) and midway through the cycle when the retrograde planet slows to a stop before moving forward again. The "direct station" (when the planet halts before moving forward again) is the most powerful and can be used for maximum benefit.
Many astrologers consider that the "Mercury Shadow" begins some three weeks before the actual retro station (when Mercury passes the point of direct station for the first time). This has some justification, but I am more inclined to think that the really noticeable peculiarities begin when Mercury slows significantly, a few days before the retro station. This period of "Mercury Shadow" extends to the Return date, some three weeks after the direct station. Bear this in mind, because experience shows that the effects of the retro period are still marked during the "shadow" phase. Some of the most characteristic annoyances often occur just after Mercury makes the direct station, while he is crawling forward before picking up speed.

What does Mercury affect?
In general, Mercury rules thinking and perception, processing and disseminating information and all means of communication, commerce, education and transportation. By extension, Mercury rules people who work in these areas, especially people who work with their minds or their wits: writers and orators, commentators and critics, gossips and spin doctors, teachers, travellers, tricksters and thieves.

Mercury retrograde gives rise to personal misunderstandings; flawed, disrupted, or delayed communications, negotiations and trade; glitches and breakdowns with phones, computers, cars, buses, and trains. And all of these problems usually arise because some crucial piece of information, or component, has gone astray or awry.

It is therefore not wise to make important decisions while Mercury is retrograde, since it is very likely that these decisions will be clouded by misinformation, poor communication and careless thinking. Mercury is all about mental clarity and the power of the mind, so when Mercury is retrograde these intellectual characteristics tend to be less acute than usual, as the critical faculties are dimmed. Make sure you pay attention to the small print!

The Key Issue
The key issue here is one of focus. Mercury's retro phase tends to bring unforeseen changes and blockages, but the aggravation and frustration that many of us experience during these periods is often due to our own inability to roll with the punches. Is this due to our ego-fixation? Mercury sets out to restructure our thinking processes and for many of us this is painful and frustrating. Moreover, these experiences reveal flaws in our internal organisation as well as our external planning, which can make us feel foolish and inadequate.

Mercury retrograde, like any cosmic aspect, affects people differently, depending on where it hits their personal charts. Some people actually prosper under a retro Mercury, especially if Mercury is retrograde but otherwise well-aspected in their birth charts. It is also a time when matters begun under a previous retro period will come to fruition, or completion as the case may be. Firm decisions that have been previously made when Mercury is travelling normally through the zodiac may be implemented or finalised while Mercury is retrograde without too much worry, for experience shows that this can be done without undue problems arising.

Mercury Retrograde in Libra
When Mercury is retrograde, everyone's thinking is more introspective and we tend to think about issues and concerns which relate to the sign involved. With Mercury retrograde in Libra, people with this sign prominent in their charts will be especially prone to such introspection. Libra is a Cardinal Sign, so the other Cardinal Signs, Aries, Cancer and Capricorn will also receive a touch of the lash! Venus, the planetary ruler of pleasure-loving Libra, enters sexy, mysterious Scorpio at the same time (Sep. 24) and remains there until leaving Scorpio to enter Sagittarius on Oct. 18. This stimulates jealousy and intense, passionate emotions, combined with a love of sensation, luxury and pleasures. Excesses of sex and passion, especially among the young, will prove more than usually chaotic over this phase. Religious feeling tends to be intense. Misdirected communications can create jealous marital relations, impulsive behaviour and the need to control relationships.

Mercury retro in Libra can disturb the mental balance, making us more than usually indecisive. Virtue and morality will be under pressure from both sides, combining jealousy and possessiveness with the agonies of doubt and indecision! Sharing ideas, especially those connected with moneymaking and other tangible rewards will present a higher risk. Attempts to maintain objectivity and an unbiased approach are likely to be thwarted and coloured by emotion. Trouble through lawsuits affecting partnerships or an unfaithful marriage partner will afflict those who may be in the relevant situations.

Gossip about celebrities, the arts and salacious topics in general will be rife. Rumours regarding partners, spouses and collaborators in business and joint ventures should be discounted, or at least taken with a dose of salt, especially if sex or money are involved, as the atmosphere will be thick with misinformation and innuendo, particularly leading up to the Full Moon on the 14th of October.

All areas of communication are affected, especially in matters related to the law, partnerships, marriage or the arts. This period brings travel snafus and missed appointments of all kinds. Documents can go astray. Be sure to carry a day planner and refer to it often, hopefully you don't lose the entire day planner! lol

SO! How's everyone feeling?

Embrace the Journey (Even in Retrograde!)
Bret =)

Saturday, September 20, 2008

I choose Love rather than Fear, and it makes all the difference.

I think we are very fortunate to be living in an area of the world that is free of war and rampid disease, yet full of freedom; free speech, free religion, and free health care. For the most part, we are free; to make our own choices and decisions in this lifetime. I sometimes wonder how my life would be different if I had picked a different blueprint for this life. I could have chosen to be another gender with a different family in another part of the world, but I didn't, I chose this one, I chose to be the man who I am today. Who am I tho, really?

My yoga training involved alot of deep self reflection. I was constantly asked by my Swami this: "Who are you... Really? Who are you, do you ever think about that?" Until then I hadn't thought about it. I just was, well, me. What kind of thought process do you need to entertain a question like that? For weeks I struggled with this and she'd ask me again; "Who are you? When everything else falls away, who are you, and do you truly enjoy the company you keep in the empty moments?" I'd sit in silence during meals, which was our practice, and think about her questions. I would self reflect in my journal for hours upon hours each night. I struggled to find any answer, or at least an answer that I was content with. These are still questions that I ask myself today, years later. Over the past few months, I have been finding myself sitting in those empty moments, I struggle with the company I keep. When everything else fell away, I didn't enjoy the company I kept.

It was a few weeks back when I realized that I had a tool that I had not been utilizing. I realized that I had the power to choose. I could choose for myself to harbour anger for others, or choose forgiveness and to open my heart and release this anger. I could choose to let opportunities and life pass me by or choose to stick my neck out there and risk it, for the adventure of being alive. I could choose to be alone, with a heart grown cold from the bitter betrails of past relationships, or I could choose to open my heart and risk having it broken and love unconditionally as if I'd never been hurt at all. I had choices.

I felt powerful. I felt connected. I felt alive.

About 3 weeks have passed since I re-realized I had the Power of Choice. I have been using this power like Harry Potters magick wand, zapping in new choices and decisions for myself. Some come easy, and some take time. Although I don't feel as if I have everything on my "to decide" list checked off, I am well on my way to personal freedom.

Freedom is in every ones grasp. I have decided I will never stay in a unfulfilled relationship for the sake of being coupled, I will never live in a home that doesn't feel sacred to me, I will never let anyone disrespect my personal temple and I will never lose my power to choose!

I know there are some of us out there that feel they have lost the power to choose, feeling as if they are stuck in a job that doesn't bring pleasure, or a relationship that doesn't feed the soul. I hope we all remember that we are powerful, we can choose to continue these patterns in our life, or make the necessary changes to start fresh. I am going to leave everyone with an affirmation that I have been using for weeks that has helped me out alot...

"What I am today is the result of all that I have done. What I become is my choice, for only I am the creator of my destiny. I am not locked into life as I see it now, I have the ability to make choices and create different paths for my life. This makes me powerful. This makes me wise. I chose personal freedom."

Embrace the Journey,
Bret =)

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Sacred Sunday

I've thought alot today about what this particular Sacred Sunday means to me... Sundays growing up were usually a time of resting after a weeks work, spending time with family and getting together over a Pot Roast. It's that one day of the week where a busy schedule doesn't matter, and everyone makes the time to get together to sit around the kitchen table and chat or play rumoli.

It would have been my moms 59th birthday today if she would have been here with us on this Sacred Sunday. Still, we had dinner, sat around and chatted over thick slices of chocolate cheesecake and sipped endless pots of coffee.

My family bond is whats Sacred to me this Sunday. I still marvel at how we pulled together nearly 2 years ago when we brought our mom home from the hospital. The strength and character of families, parents and children who take care of their loved ones during times of illness inspires me. It's fascinating to see this bond growing in our newest addition to the family. I watch every day as my 10 month old niece bonds with my eldest sister. It's amazing to see the connection develop between mother and child, I believe it to be one of the strongest bonds in the universe, unbreakable even by death.

I watched as a 16 year old young man, my grandfather wheeled himself from a different part of the hospital to the intensive care unit where my grandmother was hooked to a life support unit after having a heart attack. Every morning in spite of cancer, pain and weakened joints he would lift himself into a wheelchair and somehow find his way to my grandmother so they could have breakfast together, as they did every morning for the past 50 years. I realized then, that's what I wanted for myself, that bond, inspired by my grandparents.

I believe its our bond for one another, our love that makes this life worth living. What would we have if these bonds weren't present? I can't imagine being a bird who flies away as soon as my feathers grew in, or a fish who hatches and swims away when his fins are strong enough.

My sister made an offer to me tonight, she flips houses, usually I do all the electrical work for her. She has a project house now, on Lake Erie, in Port Colborne. She's offered me free rent in a finished suite of the house for as long as I like. It would be very convenient as in the coming days I would be spending alot of time there anyways.... Decisions, as you may have already noticed, stress me out - to say the least. I think its the amount of options I am usually presented with. It's like when you go into a new restaurant, and everything on the menu looks delicious. I often feel overwhelmed at the selection, maybe that's normal, I'm not 100% sure.

With the newly introduced Bach Flower Remedies into my life style change I haven't felt as stressed as I normally would. Usually it takes me longer to realize that I should trust the universe and her plans for me. I know that I will be fine, and the universe will provide for me, as it always has. I know there is a lesson here, and I will come to learn, understand and integrate it into my being. In the up and coming days and weeks, I'm sure my direction will become more clear, I trust that it will.

So on this Sunday, I am very happy to have that Sacred Bond with my family, especially my sisters, without their love, support and strength I wouldn't be here.

Happy Birthday Mom,
Embrace the Journey.
Bret =)

Friday, September 12, 2008

Decisions Decisions Decisions

So I find myself in the same shoes as I did nearly 4 months ago when my apartment caught fire and forced me to move back to my childhood home... I remember that week as if it had just passed. Sitting comfortable in my living room on a Thursday evening having tea with my friend Amie chatting about the days events. I spoke with her about my struggles, if I should give up my apartment and move back in with my dad to help him out, and keep better care of the family business since my moms passing. We weighed the pro's and con's and it still didn't help me come to any decision. Now anyone who knows me well enough understands that I do not make decisions, not even easy ones, and if we have plans together, you had better make them, or else we'd just end up bantering back and fourth saying "I don't know, what do you want to do."

A couple of hours later Amie had left and I was sitting alone, well semi alone, Friskey was around, but not very talkative. I opened my book, looking for guidance, advice, herbs, rituals or an incantation that would help me make a decision. I found one, a Spell to make decisions. I gathered herbs, placed my crystals, lit candles and carried on with my spell. Upon completion I was hoping for a vision, a dream, a message, some sort of instant result that I had been used too, but nothing came.

I didn't want to give up my apartment, I really loved it, but I didn't want to let my dad fend for himself, and plus, I would basically be at the house getting the business back in order all day, everyday (none of the books were done after my mom took ill in 2006 - so I had 2 years to catch up on.)

It would be days until my spell finally delivered a decision for me, in the form of an apartment fire. I should have seen it coming too, the universe certainly delivered a number of messages to me that went unnoticed or ignored. The days leading up to the fire Amie and I had discussed my options for Apartment Insurance in case Goddess forbid my house should catch ablaze! I was even downloading the movie "Things we lost in the fire", my sister had recommended it to me. The day after my apartment had burnt down, I plugged my laptop in to check to see if it was still running, and after I had logged into Windows a little pop up message was there saying "Things we lost in the fire is Complete", the movie had finished downloading! I just shook ed my head and laughed. What do you do, other than laugh I mean...

SO, bringing to me to the present... My apartment is ready, or rather will be ready on October 1st, give or take a few weeks. I was presented with the option from my Landlords to either move back in, or not, that it was up to me. I said yes, I will be returning. I am left wondering if I have made the right decisions. Amie asked me tonight if I had "weighed the pro's and con's". What is with this woman and weighing my options! Usually I just jump into something with out looking first! lol I have, I think I have at least. I am jobless as it stands right now, but I could easily find a job, or so I think, I just have to get my resume out there..... If I had a job, I wouldn't second guess it, but then again I would, because I don't know if I would be getting a job in St Catharine's or Niagara Falls, or 40 Min's away in Fort Erie... Fort Erie would be nice, because its close to my family, but I don't want an 80 min commute every day... Chances are I will be working close to the Falls, or St. Catharine's... I just can't seem to make a decision on what should I do, and I don't think I will be casting the Decision spell this time... hahaha
Here are my options:
Move in to my old place in the Fall and hope I find a job.
Keep living at my dads, find a job, then find a NEW place in that city
Move to BC, live in the mountains with monks, do yoga and e-mail everyone once a year

Any ideas??

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Winning the Blogging Lottery!

I truly feel as if I won the Blogging Lottery! A big thanks and hug goes out to Bohemian Mom for awarding me the "I love your Blog" award! It is such an honour, especially since she has been my inspiration for blogging! =)

I had to take a few days break from blogging, and reading others, and commenting as my computer has encountered a rather nasty virus! I think I have it cleared out now, I am crossing my fingers! It kept poping up with an "Antivirus2008" message, it looks almost exaclty to the built in program in Windows Vista, so its very confusing!! I hope everyone out there has a good Virus Scanner, I think its going around the Web like a nasty cold! (My friend Julie had the same thing).

So hopefully by the end of the evening I will have gotten caught up with everyones blog, I am excited to see what everyone has been up too! :)

Embrace the journey,
Bret =)

**Update** September 18/08

I also have won this award from SolticeDreamer! So thank you very much! I was very honoured to be included in a list of amazing bloggers with inspiring blogs! I have to admit, I am very touched to receive awards like this, and to know that people out there enjoy my blog and come back to read posts! :)

Thanks again =)

Sunday, September 7, 2008 beats, bach flowers, and peace

First, I would to thank everyone for their kind comments over my last few posts. I saw my homeopathic specialist Friday morning for what I figured would be a quick "wham bang" take these, do this and relax. It wasn't.

After 4 hours of tea, chatting, and laughter she mixed me a bottle of Bach Flower Remedies. She diligently figured out the best 6 (of 38) flower essences which would work for me, and bring about an emotional shift. My bottle contained the essences of Agrimony, Cherry Plum, Holly, Star of Bethlehem, Walnut, and Willow. You can read more about the essences and their properties here at Dr. Bach's Website. I felt a shift very soon after taking them. I feel more calm, more at peace, almost like I've done an hour of yoga and meditation. I feel great actually! :) It's been a long time since I felt refreshed, renewed and on the right track. Its acutally the first time in a long time that I haven't wanted to murder my father! lol

Also she recommended Caprylic Acid, to fight the yeast in my body, and also Probiotics to replenish the good bacteria in my intestinal track. I picked them up at the local health food store, along with some organic groceries. I am starting to "Juice" in the mornings - as per her recommendations. A combination of Beats, Cucumbers, Red Pepper and Celery. It's actually delicious! I felt like I had more energy throughout the day. It's hard for me to eat veggies, so this was a perfect solution. With the left over pulp from the juice I made bran/fiber muffins, it just seemed like a waste to throw out the pulp!

So I am feeling much better! The feelings of depression and hopelessness aren't as strong as they were a mere 3 days ago. I also owe a big thanks to Sacred Suzie and iGoddess. Both are very amazing women, strong and inspiring. Suzie helped me to figure out that I had some very deep rooted emotional issues, mostly involving hate. I never realized how much hate my heart carried around until Suzie told me to take a step back, close my eyes and listen quietly. Dee helped me look at parts of my life, where this hate came from, and helped me to understand that the hate in my heart was taking up too much space, and with all the hate in there, it left very little room for love to enter. She told me to look at what my body is consuming, organics vs processed food, and what I intake is directly related to my feelings.

I realized that I couldn't hang on to this hate anymore, that I had to let it go. It was putting pressure on my heart, I was letting others actions from the past negatively impact my present and future, and for what reason? It's not as if I could change the past, or undo what had been done. I had to realize that everyone is human, and makes mistakes, but those mistakes are not my burden to carry around, so I just let them go. They weren't my problems, I let them go, and let the universe take care of them.
I am going to leave you with one of my altime favourite songs, just released by Miss Alanis Morisette. You can check out the YouTube Link HERE. Its called "Incomplete" and you might have heard it on the radio all ready, if not, have a look at the lyrics, very much an inspiring affirmation for life.

One day I'll find relief
I'll be arrived
And I'll be a friend to my friends who know how to be friends
One day I'll be at peace
I'll be enlightened and I'll be married with children and maybe adopt
One day I will be healed I will gather my wounds forge the end of tragic comedy
I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line
And I have been missing the rapture this whole time
of being forever incomplete
One day my mind will retreat
And I'll know God And I'll be constantly one with her night dusk and day
One day I'll be secure
Like the women I see on their thirtieth anniversaries
I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line And I have been missing the rapture this whole time
of being forever incomplete
Ever unfolding Ever expanding
Ever adventurous And torturous
But never done
One day I will speak freely
I'll be less afraid
And be measured outside of my poems and lyrics and art
One day I will be faith-filled
I'll be trusting and spacious authentic and grounded and home
I have been running so sweaty my whole life
Urgent for a finish line And I have been missing the rapture this whole time
of being forever incomplete

Until next time,
Embrace the Journey,
Bret =)

Tuesday, September 2, 2008


I'm just in one of those moods tonight. I am feeling lonely, unloved, and lost. I even went as far to check to see if Mercury was in Retrograde, but its not until Sept 24th. I've realized recently that I do not want to go back to my old apartment. First of all, repairs are taking way too long, and I do believe I was "ejected" out of there for a reason, and shouldn't be going back. I just don't think its part of my journey to return. I have to admit my sisters were right. I am in the process of looking for a stable, well paying job, which would dictate where I should be living anyways. Ideally I would like a job closer to the Fort Erie area, its a great community, and only minuets from my Family. I would love to have a lofty type apartment on Ridge Road, the main road in Ridgeway. Its an up and coming area, with its quaint shops, and home style restaurants; it feels young, fresh, trendy and full of history.

I need to update my resume with my latest work information and start getting it out there. I am truly discouraged by the interview process. Quite frankly it scares the hell out of me! There is nothing like being sat down, and judged on the things you speak. Its almost like public speaking, I do not envy the kids returning to school, I still have nightmares about doing speeches in front of my classmates.

Speaking of dreams and nightmares, I haven't been able to recall any of them recently. I think its been a month since I can last remember a dream, which is very unusual for me. I feel very unbalanced and off centre lately. I think its a combination of being out of my space, seeing my belongings in bins and boxes, not being able to continue with my yoga and meditation practices. I need a new home, fast!

For years I have heard about "Bach Flower Remedies". Basically they are a selection of 38 flower essences (such as Crab Apple, Vine, and Willow) that work to correct emotional imbalances. For example...

Star of Bethlehem
"For those in great distress under conditions which for a time produce great unhappiness. The shock of serious news, the loss of someone dear, the fright following an accident, and such like. For those who for a time refuse to be consoled, this remedy brings comfort." - Dr. Edward Bach

I have a friend of mine that works with the remedies, and I am hoping to meet with her Friday morning for a consultation, you can add up to 7 of the flower essences into a treatment bottle. I think I need all 38! hahaha You can check out all 38 essences HERE.

It's truly days like this that I thank the Stars that I have an emergency Cheese Cake in the freezer! I've actually reduced myself to tears this evening. If it wasn't anatomically impossible I'd think I was about to start my period! hahaha Yes, we guys get PMS too... lol Maybe that explains the bloating!

Anywho, I am going to Post this and pick up a paint brush and see what I am inspired to create.
Until next time, embrace the Journey.
Bret =)
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