Friday, September 12, 2008

Decisions Decisions Decisions


So I find myself in the same shoes as I did nearly 4 months ago when my apartment caught fire and forced me to move back to my childhood home... I remember that week as if it had just passed. Sitting comfortable in my living room on a Thursday evening having tea with my friend Amie chatting about the days events. I spoke with her about my struggles, if I should give up my apartment and move back in with my dad to help him out, and keep better care of the family business since my moms passing. We weighed the pro's and con's and it still didn't help me come to any decision. Now anyone who knows me well enough understands that I do not make decisions, not even easy ones, and if we have plans together, you had better make them, or else we'd just end up bantering back and fourth saying "I don't know, what do you want to do."

A couple of hours later Amie had left and I was sitting alone, well semi alone, Friskey was around, but not very talkative. I opened my book, looking for guidance, advice, herbs, rituals or an incantation that would help me make a decision. I found one, a Spell to make decisions. I gathered herbs, placed my crystals, lit candles and carried on with my spell. Upon completion I was hoping for a vision, a dream, a message, some sort of instant result that I had been used too, but nothing came.

I didn't want to give up my apartment, I really loved it, but I didn't want to let my dad fend for himself, and plus, I would basically be at the house getting the business back in order all day, everyday (none of the books were done after my mom took ill in 2006 - so I had 2 years to catch up on.)

It would be days until my spell finally delivered a decision for me, in the form of an apartment fire. I should have seen it coming too, the universe certainly delivered a number of messages to me that went unnoticed or ignored. The days leading up to the fire Amie and I had discussed my options for Apartment Insurance in case Goddess forbid my house should catch ablaze! I was even downloading the movie "Things we lost in the fire", my sister had recommended it to me. The day after my apartment had burnt down, I plugged my laptop in to check to see if it was still running, and after I had logged into Windows a little pop up message was there saying "Things we lost in the fire is Complete", the movie had finished downloading! I just shook ed my head and laughed. What do you do, other than laugh I mean...

SO, bringing to me to the present... My apartment is ready, or rather will be ready on October 1st, give or take a few weeks. I was presented with the option from my Landlords to either move back in, or not, that it was up to me. I said yes, I will be returning. I am left wondering if I have made the right decisions. Amie asked me tonight if I had "weighed the pro's and con's". What is with this woman and weighing my options! Usually I just jump into something with out looking first! lol I have, I think I have at least. I am jobless as it stands right now, but I could easily find a job, or so I think, I just have to get my resume out there..... If I had a job, I wouldn't second guess it, but then again I would, because I don't know if I would be getting a job in St Catharine's or Niagara Falls, or 40 Min's away in Fort Erie... Fort Erie would be nice, because its close to my family, but I don't want an 80 min commute every day... Chances are I will be working close to the Falls, or St. Catharine's... I just can't seem to make a decision on what should I do, and I don't think I will be casting the Decision spell this time... hahaha
Here are my options:
Move in to my old place in the Fall and hope I find a job.
Keep living at my dads, find a job, then find a NEW place in that city
Move to BC, live in the mountains with monks, do yoga and e-mail everyone once a year

Any ideas??

18 comments:

Bohemian Single Mom said...

Being indecisive is a waste of time. Do what you want, what you feel, what your heart is telling you. The one thing we can always count on is change. Life can change on a dime - we both know that. And life is far too short to waste time being indecisive (we both know that too).

Maybe you were meant to stay at your dad's for the summer?

Nothing is permanent, nothing is a guarantee. If you move back to your cool, renovated apartment, you can always move out again, if things don't work out employment-wise. You don't always have to look before you leap.

Remember however, this advice is coming from the girl who has moved 11 times in the past 12 years!
;)

Ayre said...

My vote is now for find a job and then a new apartment. At least where you're at you don't have to worry about rent and what not...then you can get a couch and stuff like we were talking about with the rest of your EI.

mrsb said...

Making decisions is hard. Your choices affect other people and your own future. It's easy to just let things happen to you...but it's not the best way to live. Instead of spell to help you find the way, you need to work with gaining the confidence to make decisions for yourself, no matter the consequences.

Just to add my 2 cents, I would say stay with your dad, make sure his stuff is in order and find a job before you go anywhere.

If you move back into the apartment, will you have a rental contract? If you do, and move out early,from a lack of a job, you could end up owing a lot of money. Best not to screw up your credit.

I'm a big proponent for only doing things you can afford to do - mentally, physically and financially.

Good luck, no matter what decisions you make!

Carnal Zen said...

I'm confused. It sounded like you asked the universe for direction. You got it in the form of flames. If you weren't going to USE that direction what was the point? Blessings in whatever path you choose.

This Guy said...

((carnal zen)) I guess the easiest way to explain it, is that I was tossing around an idea, moving to help my dad, or staying out of it. I let the universe make the decision for me, because I was unable too. Now that I am done here, and I have no unfinished busines here, I am wondering if I should go back to my old apartment, or make a clean start somewhere else.

I'm not sure if you understood or not, I did use that direction, but now that that phase in my life is complete, I am wondering what my next step will be.

Hopefully I've explained it better =)

Thank you for the blessings =)

Ayre said...

Carnal Zen - What exactly are you confused about? He asked the universe for direction...he got it in the form of flames. Therefore he was forced to make the decision of living at his dad's...so he did that. Now there is a NEW decision to make...whether to stay at his dads, move back to the house of flames or find a new pad.

"If you weren't going to USE that direction what was the point?"

He DID use the direction. Now he needs NEW direction.

If you knew This Guy at all, you would know that he takes the signs he receives from the universe very seriously and uses them to the best of his ability.

Bohemian Single Mom said...

*ditto that

The apartment fire may indeed have come as a sign from the universe that this guy should move out and back home to temporarily help out his dad with the business, books, etc.

But one "house of flames" shouldn't and doesn't, dictate how he should approach the rest of his decisions.

Life goes on. The universe is now opening new doors, new paths, new directions. Asking for direction from the universe isn't a one time deal. It's ongoing, always moving, always flowing.

michellechant said...

Do what is right for you ... you have to be happy before you can make anyone else happy. Dig deep - you already know the answer.

mich
x.

wellesley3 said...

bret.. don't worry about being indecisive...we all have a bit of indecisiveness in us, as the underlying statement that is in your blog, everything happens for a reason. the move back home, the fire, your old new apartment being ready all are happening to tell you something and i think bohemian single mom said it best
"Life goes on. The universe is now opening new doors, new paths, new directions. Asking for direction from the universe isn't a one time deal. It's ongoing, always moving, always flowing."

you have a good head on your shoulders and from what i've got to know, i would say more cautious in your decision rather than indecisive... you've made the first step in deciding to go back so now that that's done, a new journey has begun.... all the best bud, and i look forward to the next entry

wellz

Anonymous said...

Maybe the flames were from faulty wiring, open flame on stove, candle...? Sorry to be scientific. Good luck with your move and job hunt!

Ayre said...

"Anonymous said...
Maybe the flames were from faulty wiring, open flame on stove, candle...? Sorry to be scientific. Good luck with your move and job hunt!"

Well of COURSE the flames came from some where...but it was taken as the sign asked for by This Guy when he asked for help on deciding whether to move or not....kinda have to move after your apartment catches fire...decision made, Thanks Universe!!!

*rolls eyes*

This Guy said...

Maybe the flames were from the fire's of hell, and they were actually meant for me!! Good think I dodged them again tho! hahaha

To clarify - there was a "Freak" accident in the stove - which was gas. When the fire marshal investigated (for 6 hours) the cause of the fire was found to be inconclusive - just that it came from inside the stove, some sort of mechanical problem which they could not identify.

This Guy said...

Just as a side note... I don't believe in coincidences. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and its meant to happen in the time that it does happen.

Anonymous said...

Yeah I have a comment..since you clearly talk to animals and stuff moonbeam why don't you and the animal kingdom have a speaking bitterness session?

:p

This Guy said...

HAHAHA I'm going to murder you Chris!! I can't believe you posted as Anonymous!! You just wait until Wednesday night!! Moonbeam! LOL I hope you sleep well tonight! HAHAH

Carnal Zen said...

I guess I was just feeling that the fire was the universe's saying that the time for living in that apartment was over - not temporarily over - over over. Fire is not a subtle messenger :-)

Jane said...

Bret,

This post is near and dear to my heart. I've had so many decisions to make in the past few years where I panicked and just didn't ASK for some signs and directions. I would jump and then, later, realize what the universe was trying to tell me.

Lately when I agonize over a decision (I am a Libra afterall)that feels beyond me, I just reach a point where I sit back and turn it over to God/Universe. Most of the time, a decision appears for me.

I've lived in my comfortable living space for 12 years. I also know, as nice as the house is, that I should have left it years ago. Finally, I am moving out in October and I am never going to look back. New doors and paths are there for me. I hate to give advise and hesitate here but it seems that if you have any gut feeling at all that going back there may not be for you, then follow your gut. Maybe the house fire was the Universe's way of literally putting a fire under you to move forward to the next exciting phase of your life.

Jane said...

Just me again with a side note about paying attention to signs (and I'm so glad you do). Years ago, I was just married and living in a rented house with my husband. We did not have kids yet. There was a spirit in that house that was trying to get my attention. It wasn't scary at all but persistent. A heavy chair would be moved out in the middle of my living room at least once a week; a faulty drawer in the bathroom would be open in the morning and sometimes the stereo system would go on by itself at full volume. Looking back, I have no doubt that I was being forwarned about my now-ex-husband. Back then, I wasn't so spiritually evolved. I think signs are a really cool thing. If you continue to pay attention, some decisions will be easier than you think.

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