Sunday, June 21, 2009

Life at 2 am...

The clock just struck 2am and I am wide awake regardless of the lack of sleep I have been having these past few weeks. I just threw some flour, water, garlic butter, parsley and other ingredients into my bread machine. My brother-in-law called this morning and demanded one of my buttery Parmesan cheese loafs. I love my bread machine, one of my most favourite Garage Sale finds from my Aunt Jean. 2$, brand new in the box, still had the starter kit. I am going to make another loaf for my Dad as well tomorrow, Fathers day.

I have a hard time celebrating Fathers day, it's always been a struggle for me as he's never been much of a Father. My Mom really did play both roles as my Dad was usually found playing hockey, hanging out with the boys, or working on some new car project. When my Mom passed I truly felt as if I were an orphan, especially after loosing my grandmother months before. I had two very strong female role models growing up (which I'm sure explains a few things) and after losing them both I felt very much alone. Both my sisters married, and me of course perpetually single, the closest thing I have to a partner is my Cat, and that is just really sad. Ha-ha.

My Mom "stuck it out" for us while we were growing up. I watched a movie last night with the amazing Boho Mom, (who is such a wonderful mother) which brought me to this post. The movie was "Double Jeopardy". A husband cheating on his wife, faking his own death and pinning it on her. She went to jail, 6 years separated from her young son, never giving up hope of their reunion. Libby (Ashley Judd) said in the movie "Even if a baby is separated from their mother at birth, they will always recognize her voice". I hold that to be true. My Mom, after having an absent husband, raising three small children practically by herself, while looking after my grandparents, ignoring the countless martial affairs my father perused, not to mention the arguments we pretended not to hear late at night; she endured, even to the detriment of her own health. Mothers are funny like that... So when I am sitting at the table tonight, with resentment in my heart, I will take a page from my mothers book and stick it out.

I must be getting to bed now, my eyes are burning.
To the fathers out there, remember that you are molding the next generation. Things you do and say will deeply impact your offspring in the years to come. Be weary of how you treat your wife, your sons will learn from you how to treat their wifes, and your daughters will learn from you how they should be treated from their husbands.

And to all the Single Moms out there, who struggle with this day. Please know that your love is more than enough. You are both Mother and Father to your children, and even tho times might be tough now, they will greatly love, adore and respect you for it in the next years to come.

Happy Fathers Day Mom,
Embrace the Journey


Anonymous said...

Wow...such profound words you write at 2:00 a.m.
It's true - I don't think parents/grandparents realize how much of an impact they make on kids....the smallest act can change our whole view of the world.

Beautiful post and kudos to the women in your life!

The movie WAS good, wasn't it?

iGoddess' evil shoe-loving twin said...

I love this post...for a number of reasons. But mainly, it underscores what I love about you so much. =)

And I just read your comment on my latest blog post. You wonderful, amazing man! Will you marry me? =)

mrsb said...

Your mom obviously did a great job, because you are an amazing guy!

Pam said...

"Happy Father's Day Mom".Bret you are amazing.Your acknowledgement of facts as they stand is awesome,contemplative and very touching.So perceptive this post. You are a credit to your parents.I love this post for a number of reasons too,hard to define, but just leaves me thinking "wow".xo

Jane said...

When I was married to my first husband, he was so emotionally absent most of the time. I always felt like a single mom back then. But through it all, you manage to pull it all together for the sake of your children because they deserve it. This was a bittersweet Father's Day because Breen is a better father than my ex could ever be. Still, I try to make sure my kids find ways to connect with their father. I'm sure he looks at them now lamenting on the years he missed.

Dia said...

Bret - what an awesome post!! & kudos to your mom & grandma for doing such a great job, raising a 'conscious' & kind human being!!
The other day I was talking with a galfriend who told me about her sorry marriage (a fellow who not only had affairs, but often with co-workers!), & how she'd come to Oregon with him because she didn't quite trust him with his daughter - she's still in touch with the (now grown) girl.
It's so sad that's so common - but there ARE good guys out there as well :)
Hope you do make that hummus - yummy! & glad you're going to try flax (it's so easy to grind yourself :)

Sue said...

I pray to God that my 2 little boys turn out to be as even-keeled, and as sensitive as you. Both right now are so sensitive I sometimes worry about them later in life. I think reading your blog has reassured me that they are going to be awesome men later on down the road :)


Sorry to be so stupid and sappy.

Jocelyn said...

Great post! I made my dad home-made ice cream for Father's Day.

Bread machines are AWESOME!! I "borrowed" mine from my grandma's shed. I'm sure it sat in that shed longer than the 2 years I've had it. :-)

Moonroot said...

What a great post - wise, honest, insightful, moving. No wonder I love your blog!

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