Wednesday, August 11, 2010

3 years...

It has been three years since I lost my Mom to cancer.

Three years, and I can't explain how or why it feels like yesterday; should I?

Today I cried, remembered, laughed and cried some more. Tears feel good, for some reason; maybe by design. I still feel that emptiness in my chest, as if both my lungs and heart weren't there, just for a split second, gone.

I spent some time with my sister tonight, shes really the only family I have left. I guess in a way we are orphans. Leslie is pregnant, we found out about 4 weeks ago, shes only 6 weeks along. I feel saddened that my new niece or nephew is deprived of an amazing grandmother. Again, I will do my best to fill that void - out come the crochet hooks and my sewing machine; I've already started to make receiving blankets and granny squares. A void that is impossible for me to fill, I miss my Grams too. What I would give just to be curled up in her lap, quietly.

I'm sad, but tomorrow is a new day, just breathe....

Embracing the journey
Bret xoxo

7 comments:

Nydia said...

Do breath, sweetie. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you. I know I'm not prepared to lose my mom. I lost my dad in 2001 to prostate cncer and the void is permanent, but some how we carry on. After losing him, my grandma and my older sister, I learned that what makes me feel less anguished and sad is the fact that I had the awesome privilege of being part of their lives and paths. I was honored with their presence while here, and this is priceless. I could be anywhere else, in any other family, but gods know why, I was lucky enough (and we know there are people out ther who are not that fortunate) to be choosen to share my journey with these extraordinaire people long enough to learn something and to have their mark in my heart. I bet the asme happened to you.

Don't feel sad about your sister's baby not getting to know your mom, feel glad that you're with them to spoil this sweet baby with your love and through your love, I'm sure your mom will be there too.

You're going to be a great uncle! :o)

Kisses and love from us.

Suzie Ridler said...

Oh Bret, what a profound loss you have suffered and continue to mourn. I know that your mom will live through you and your stories. The more you tell them, the more she will be there. I am sure she is also watching over you from The Other Side, sending her love. Still, the heart hurts, I know.

CrystalChick said...

I am sorry for your loss. It's been many years since my own Mom's passing, 15, and 11 this year for my Dad, and I miss them all the time. Even though I am blessed to have children and grandchildren and am maybe the matriarch of my family in some ways, or hope to be someday anyway, I still wish I had my parents and grandparents to go to at times.
Hold on to all your wonderful memories!

Moonroot said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Moonroot said...

I am so sorry for your loss. I'm lucky enough to still have both my parents, and the idea of losing them scares me.

Your new niece or nephew may not get to know your Mum in person, but I think you are the lovely person you are today in part due to the influence of your Mum (and Grandma). Through you, the little one will feel the warmth and love of them, and when they are older you share with them all the wonderful memories you hold.

Love to you. X

Pam said...

Brett, I am sure you will play an important role for this new little soul. I firmly believe our loved ones rejoice in a new birth, wherever they be. Just by feeling the need to exercise the gifts they have passed on to you, they are using your hands and heart. You are up for this. They don't want you to be sad! Congratulations on an opportunity to be an awesome Uncle! Much love to you xxxx

This Guy said...

Thank you all for your kind words and support, they truly comfort me and make me smile that you care enough to leave a note :)

xoxo
Bret

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