Monday, August 4, 2008

weekends, updates and life

So life has been slowly returning to normal. I ordered a new LCD screen from e-bay for my laptop, paid $188 for it (which included overnight delivery from Texas), alot cheaper than the almost $600 that Futureshop quoted me!

Thanks to some amazing advice from my friends in the Magickal community (big thanks to Sacred Suzie for the feverfew tip) I've been accident clean and sober now for a week. I feel like I've been trying to kick some addiction or something. Like I'm addicted to chaos in my personal life, and need to destroy my things to get a high! (Destroy, not on purpose, something in my subconscious...)

As for my apartment, it's slowly being repaired. I checked in on it last week, and they were laying the new wood flooring. There is still ALOT of work that needs to be done, and I don't expect to return until September 1st. I'm wondering if I will be returning there, or if another opportunity will show its self to me.

I realized this weekend that Summer is nearly over, and is it just me, or is it starting to get darker sooner? My long weekend was amazing tho. I spent most of the weekend with my Sisters. We had a big rib fest at my younger sisters on Sunday night (not that I eat red meat...) we had a huge bonfire too. My brother in law is a landscaper, and just finished an amazing outdoor fire place created entirely of stone. Huge stone walls to sit on, flagstone floors, built into the side of a hill. It was beautiful, we call it "Fredhenge" LOL We also spend alot of time at my other sisters, just down the road at her new home on the lake, complete with 3 bedroom guest house, in ground pool, sandy beach and warm lake waters! We jacked the pool heater up, and tonight the water reached 92 degrees. It was amazing to float in the soft light, warm waters and watch the shooting stars fall from the sky. I was sitting on the edge of the pool earlier today, just kicking and splashing my feet in the water with my 9 month old Niece Ksenia, when I noticed a dramatic heat change on my leg... Yup, she pee'd on me, THEN she laughed at me! That quickly prompted another swim! ;) It was a very rejuvenating weekend!

I am looking forward to life returning to normal. Especially my emotional life. I have felt so insecure, and incomplete lately. I think its been because I'm "single". Not that I need a man to complete my life, but it just makes the honey a little bit sweeter! ;) I have no problem watching a movie on my own, but its nice to curl up on the couch with your guy and snuggle during a horror flick. There is someone out there that I care for alot, someone I have feelings for, but there is a little distance keeping us apart. Distance makes me insecure, actually to admit, I've been sad lately.. August is a bad time for the family...

For the past month that I've been living with my dad I haven't done any yoga or meditation at all. This just isn't the space in which to focus, balance and restore my soul. I feel almost "unglued". I do recognize that things need to shift, and I need to create my sacred space here so I can meditate and sort out all these thoughts in my head. I might do a bit of meditation on the beach tomorrow, hopefully the waves take me away! I need to start taking control of my life in the space its in. Using the elements and my talents to work for me, rather than against me.

So I plan on waking up in the morning, refreshed, recharged and ready to tackle my little world ;) On that note, I am off to bed, I am starting to nod off at the computer!

Embrace the Journey...


Anonymous said...

I really love this post and so much of it resonates with me.
It IS getting darker earlier, and that in itself is depressing.

I've moved so many times that I know all too well the unsettling feelings that come with it. That feeling of disconnection from your "things" and your own space. It's a transitional time for you that is bringing insecurities to the surface.
Hang in there, keep enjoying the weather, the beach, and your awesome cool family. Relax and let this be the "summer of your discontent" and you will have a brand new fresh start soon enough.

(lmao at that laptop pic...sorry)

wellesley3 said...

bret... its not just you.. the days are getting shorter.... it doens't help that the rain keeps some of the days over cast but yeah summer is nearly done... that night in the pool must have been magical.. just taking in the night's sky.. what a great way to unwind!!!


Ayre said...

I'm not entirely sure about your old apartment...I'm thinking a new apartment for a new start is in order...did you not say that the universe decided to cleanse for you via the fire? Just something to think about.

Anonymous said...

hmmm....I see the universe leading you to Welland ;)

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