...finding my muse

She was hiding behind the couch all along!

My muse has never been too far from me, always a constant source of inspirations weather I am baking, writing, painting or crocheting. I've found lately shes been rather absent, not from her own doing of course, more from my own inability to connect with her. I've found it rather hard to feel her light this past month which is most likely due to the busyness of my life and constant flow of moving boxes and job interviews, however after the other nights cleanse with the new moon, lead by the always inspiring Sacred Suzie I was able to hear her gentle words again.

I still feel sorta stuck tho, does anyone else know what I mean? Even with blogging, things are very quiet in the community. Are some of us just feeling "outta sorts"? I decided to book an appointment with my holistic therapist to reassess the composition of Bach flowers I am working with and to just get a good check up, see if there were any blockages. We did a life assessment, going a little deeper in to my past, childhood, and current emotional state. It will be a few days before I meet with her again, it allows her some time to go over my details and find the right remedy for me.

I've always done a great job of being able to cleanse my space, but often neglect cleansing myself. Being someone who is empathic, clairvoyant and psychic its really important to properly ground and cleanse myself regularly. I've talked to Suzie about this a few times too, we tend to pick up and hold on to so much in the course of a day, and not all pleasant thoughts or emotions either. I've often held on to others negative baggage for alot longer than I should have. I cleanse myself like I cleanse my space. I light clearing incense and envision my body being taken over by a brilliant white cleansing light which originates in my chest. Slowly I let the ball grow and grow to push out and cleanse all the negativity from my body. I allow it to expand outside my body and sit in that light. I envision a cord from my back, or roots from my feet digging deep deep down into the Earth allowing me to ground, dump excessive negative vibrations and recharge. I smudge myself too, usually with sweet grass, I find that sage gives me nightmares - everyone is different tho. I love to meditate, sitting a white candle on my alter, its my time to recharge.

All these are good after you have encountered a source of negativity, but what can we do to protect ourselves in the moment? Lets face it, we all know someone, friend or family that is overly negative. Sometimes its hard to do whats best for us and dismiss that toxic friend, or limit contact with an overbearing family member so instead I 'put my up shields'. I simply envision a energy barrier between myself and the negativity. I can imagine the negative vibes bouncing off the shield and away from me. Nothing gets through that shield, its like my magick mirror. Give it a try next time someone is outwardly attacking you verbally. Put up your shield, and watch how quickly they give up and walk away, this is great if you work with the public in some sort of Customer Service atmosphere.

AH! Fresh Ideas - my Muse has whispered! I am grabbing my paint brushes, watercolours and a blank canvas!

Hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend!

Brightest Blessings, Embrace the Journey.

...life as I see it

Has everyone taken a second today and realized that we are 1 month away from Christmas? I'm not entirely sure where the past few months have gone too. Where are they?? I want them back!!

My mom was always very big on Christmas, she always decorated the house from top to bottom with garland, ceramic villages, colourfull glass balls, red bows, snowmen and anything else Christmas she could get her hands on. Since my moms has passing last year I've been living on my own, I haven't really had the "Christmas Spirit"... I haven't decorated my apartment at all. Two nights ago I dreamt that she came to tell me to get my ass in gear and at least put up a Christmas tree, I half remember arguing back and fourth with her but ultimately she won, which is evident by the decorated tree now standing in my living room. She must have been to my friend Amie's that night too, because In the morning she messaged me to say "Hey, do you need a Christmas Tree, I have an extra one here..." Geeze, imagine that! Thanks Mom! LOL

My sister came over and helped me adjust the base and fluff the branches, string the lights and place the star at the top of the tree. Although its a simple process to assemble and decorate a tree it was nice to have my sisters here since my mom can't be. After all this is the first time I've put up a Christmas Tree... Thanks Amie! :)

Amie herself is a special woman. She has an amazing blog which you can check out at http://soapboxandotherstuff.blogspot.com/ Her blog is ever changing and ever evolving, much like Amie herself. We've been friends for nearly 10 years now and I've been witness to her evolution. Amie is a wonderful mother of two (plus one on the way), a loving wife, a beautiful daughter and an amazing best friend! (And not just because of the free Christmas Tree hahaha)

As a Gay Man who eventually wants to settle down and have a few Children of my own, Amie holds a special place in my heart. She is an angel in disguise to those who can't carry their own Children - Amie is a surrogate. It really takes a special person to carry someone else's child, which Amie has done twice now, first a set of beautiful twins (delivered by C-section) and second a beautiful boy (delivered naturally - 10 lbs - naturally lol). You can check out her birth stories HERE. I am truly happy that she and the love of her life are now able to have a baby of their own! I can't wait for the upcoming winter nights - Amie comes over and we crochet a storm of blankets, booties and baby hats! Amie is also a brilliant seamstress and will be doing her part for the environment by sewing and using mainly cloth diapers! How smart!! I love getting back to the basics! So look forward to some crafty ideas on our blogs in the up and coming weeks! :)


This is how an e-mail will eventually look:

Dear Amie,
Remember how you let me borrow that Christmas tree a
while back? Well its great, but I'm wondering this Christmas season if you could
let me borrow your uterus for about 9-10 months...

Thanks,
Bret

Hopefully by the time I'm ready shes not 34 with a womb full of dusty ovaries!


Thankfully I live in Canada and not California and will be able to get married when my time is right. I still can't believe that this Proposition 8 BS passed. What is wrong with people? If you want to save the sanctity of marriage than ban Divorce, not Gay Marriage... I don't understand why people can't stay out of their neighbours bedrooms, sex lives, ovaries, and wombs. You'd think the Government in the US has more pressing concerns to deal with right now with the economic crisis then if two lesbians want to get married and renovate a house together... It just makes me sad, however I am not a politician and know that President-elect Barack Obama will have some amazing changes in store for the American People.


Any who, it is now time to start my day! :)
Hope everyone is keeping well!
Embrace the Journey
Bret xoxo

...feeling like homo, OH I mean home!

I've been putting off bringing my cat home to my apartment for about a month now. I wanted to have some things in place before I reintroduced him to our space - for example a few good scratching posts so he doesn't tear the hell out of my couch. On the stove I warmed some grapeseed oil and a few hand fulls of catnip over a double boiler. I let it warm over night, strained it this morning and bottled the oil after applying a few drops to the scratching posts. I am trying to make them really attractive for Friskey. He hasn't scratched the post or couch yet (that I've caught him doing) for now he seems content to sit in the sunny windows and watch the children play in the snow down below.

When I discovered my apartment was on fire I bolted past a few firemen, ran upstairs and tried to gain entry past my door to save him. Of course my efforts were thwarted by the firemen at the top of the stairs... I was willing to risk it to save him, after all I would just be returning the favour - he's always been there for me when I needed him. I never realized how attached I could be to a cat. Originally I had only adopted him because I felt bad about drinking alone... I didn't want to feel like I had a problem - and getting a cat was the perfect solution! LOL

This past week I had a lunch date with one of my favourite bloggers Bohemian Mom. We went to a little local restaurant - The Blue Star - it's been around since before Christ was born, my grandparents used to meet there for lunch before they were married. The Blue Star has two dining options 1. the fancy new dining room, and 2. the original 50's style dining room. We chose the original dining room because we knew we were going to be loud and obnoxious and didn't want to disturb anyone else. However the seats in this dining room were built for Kate Moss and we just didn't fit as well as we would have liked too... As much as I like boho I don't want to sit on her lap until I've had a few drinks. We switched to the other dining room....

Boho gave me an AMAZING house warming gift too! A hand carved, Indonesian statue of Buddha. I was thinking I could place him on my alter but ultimately chose my fireplace mantle. It looks great!! Thanks Boho I love it!! :)

What I am reading...

Boho also gave me this amazing book; "Why Gay Guys Are a Girl's Best Friend" written by Karen Rauch & Jeff Fessler. It's hilarious! Have a look at one of the random pages...

On the left it reads "Gay guys regularly join you at the gym to keep your bodies trim and fit" and on the right it reads" Straight guys religiously go to the gym to watch the woman's boobs jiggle on the StairMaster."

Funny AND true! (However I haven't seen a StairMaster since 1906).

Well it is officially the weekend and I am hoping for some warmer weather but it doesn't look like that is gonna happen, so I am going to embrace the snow, make a few cups of Rice Milk Hot Chocolate and read a good book in front of the fireplace.

Enjoy your weekend

Embrace your journey!

Bret xoxo

PS. Don't tell the Cat, but he's getting bathed today! ;)

Kicking Up My Feet

It is growing darker out side as the position of the Sun sinks slowly into the river. The pale grey skies and crisp Autumn air mark the transition from what was an amazingly warm day to what will prove to be a cold and frigid night.

I've kicked my feet up on my coffee table after a long day of puttering around and cleaning my apartment. This morning I filled my bucket with hot water and soap, and got on my hands and knees to wash the kitchen, bathroom and living room floors. I don't own a mop, thanks to my Grandmother, I could hear her voice in my head; "What, well what the hell is that? A Mop? Well what the hell do you use it for? Washing the floors? Haven't ya ever heard of a dish rag and a bucket of hot water and soap? Let me see it, give it here... My goodness, this God Damn thing wouldn't clean shit of a horses ass. God dammit." Yup, that's my Grandmother - so needless to say I'm actually terrified to get a mop, the woman would roll over in her grave, or haunt me or something. Did I ever tell you about the time my Grandmother (in her younger years of living on a farm) tried to mount a horse? She led the horse to a fence, climbed the fence, jumped on the horse, and as she struggled with her dress (women weren't allowed to wear pants in those days) she fell over and landed in a big pile of horse and cow manure. She wore pants after that.

Its been nearly two months now and I will be honest and admit I am not fully moved in yet. There are still minor touches yet to be done; lights over top of my artwork, window sills dusted, and I haven't gotten around to sewing up my window coverings and shower curtain. Some days I wonder if the finishing touches will ever be complete, but I know its only a matter of time...

I've almost finished decorating my living room. I am happy sitting here watching a movie, reading or blogging. I'm still looking for a fern or two to hang in front of the windows, a new ceiling light and a lamp for the back corner of the room by my desk. No one would ever know 4 months ago this room was covered in a thick oily, smoky residue from my apartment fire. (Check out the before pictures HERE)

Here is a quick picture of my living room that I took this afternoon:


The kitchen is coming along nicely - well certainly alot nicer than the charred remains of the last kitchen. I took these too this afternoon:

I am very happy with the way things turned out. I actually like my apartment better than before the fire. My kitchen is totally brand new. My oven is full sized now and I have no problem fitting in a few dozen cookies at a time ;)

Earlier this afternoon I realized it was time to clean out my fridge. I had odd vegetables here and there, some never used, some left over from previous meals or my morning juicing - so I decided to make a big pot of soup! I love soup especially "kitchen sink" soup where all my ready to spoil veggies go.

The recipe is easy. I started with a few tablespoons of butter in my soup pot, along with some bacon and onions chopped up. Once those were cooked, and starting to brown I added 1/4 cup of flour and mixed it really well and let the flour cook for a few minuets. I jacked up the heat and whisked in 8 cups of chicken broth (the best tasting brand I've found comes from the Dollar Store believe it or not!) Once that heated I added the rest of my milk, about 3 cups (it was about to spoil - I rarely drink cows milk and usually have just a little here for when friends stop by for tea - I'm a big fan of rice milk). Once all that was nice and hot I added cubed potatoes, sliced carrots, celery, tomato, and broccoli. No specific amounts, just what I had in the fridge. You really can't mess this recipe up.

The soup has been simmering on the stove for a few hours now, and its ready to eat anytime. The nice thing about soup is that it keeps in the fridge well, and freezes even better! I save my old yogurt containers and fill them with soup, label them, and freeze them.

I have a couple of friends coming to visit tonight so I better jet and get prepared!

Have a Wonderful Weekend!

Embrace your Journey.

Bret

Difficulties with Soul Coaching

So, I am going to admit it. I am having problems with Soul Coaching. I wrote last night that I was having some difficulties keeping up, and received some feedback that others were too. I almost feel that my blog has lost its focus, it doesn't feel like me anymore. I've overloaded it with Soul Coaching - and although its been an amazing course and I recommend it to everyone - its just completely shifted my blogging focus. I barely have time to blog, and I am rarely able to read in depth my friends blogs and make comments with substance; and that doesn't feel right.

So here is what I've decided to do. I've taken all my Air Week posts and copied them all into one post. Its alot to read. I am going to post at the end of each elemental week - one post recapping my journey through the week - I've deleted my Water Week posts so far and transferred them back into my journal.

I give ALOT of credit to anyone who is able to keep up with the course, blog posts and process journal however it just isn't for me.

So back to life for me, AND the dirty dishes in the sink!
Embrace the Journey
Bret

Soul Coaching - Air Week

It has been an amazing four days of Soul Coaching, and I am thankful that I can now upload my previous four days of this journey now that I have an Internet connection. I have been doing my readings, workings and journaling in the mornings, during my glass of freshly blended vegetable juice! It's a fab way to kick off the day. In the evening I will be posting my writings. :)

I have found that the affirmations thus far have been wonderfully inspiring, and I find myself leaving them on little "post it" notes around my home to remind me. I also leave notes to breathe, relax, do my yoga and centre myself. I feel connected!

I had originally split my 4 days into 4 different posts, but I've decided to combine it all together for less clicking, and less reading! I know we are all busy right now. so here we go.







Soul Coaching - Nov 1 - Day 1 - Life Assessment

Its easy to see where I am in life right now, I'm at the beginning. I've just moved into my gorgeous apartment, which truly feels sacred and like home to me. I'm mostly finished painting, and decorating, and am happy when I turn the key to open the front door. I am in the process of finding a new job, not something that feeds my soul yet, just something to pay the bills for now. My job and career is the major focus area, however I am lacking a plan...


In the next 28 days I intend to find that plan, to write it out, and take the necessary steps to complete it, my authentic self is in reach.

I have assessed my steps and leaps and realized that I do have a few big leaps, but nothing a little motivation shouldn't take care of. Mainly my biggest leaps concern my job, which is understandable, because my job is non existent right now! lol

I have spent the day remembering to breath deeply, its really helped me to open up and bring realizations about the past to the surface.





Soul Coaching - Nov 2 - Day 2 - Making a Commitment to Change Your Life.

I've always had a hard time committing to take action. I can see and form a plan, but have great troubles executing it. This will be a big struggle for me, but I know that even if I have set backs and are unable to fulfill commitments one day, tomorrow is always a fresh start.

Commitments that I have been putting off, that I want to make to myself, and commit to do each day are: Juicing, Meditation, Yoga, Breathing, and Being Conscious of my Food and Drink Intake.

Organizing my values in life was really difficult, I wanted each value on page 39 to be #1, or at least very close to it. Although I couldn't put them in order just yet, I have narrowed down my top 5 values that coincide with me: Love, Security, Connection to Family, Creativity, Peace. It will be interesting to see if and how these values change in the next 26 days.

I've made a list of things that I have been putting off, a rather long list now that I look at it. I picked something rather easy to do, something I was comfortable doing but was putting off, for whatever reasons I'm not too sure.... lol I called Bell Canada to have my Internet Service installed. It doesn't seem like much, but for some reason I just cant get the motivation to do some of these things. After I got off the phone the feeling of accomplishment felt great, so I tackled something else on my list too, I updated my resume, all three versions. (I have different versions depending on what kind of job I am applying for; Business Management, Customer Service, or Medical.) I felt pretty good after finishing my updates, it will make the job application process so much easier. I think I dislike change!

I am aware of the air around me, the way it graces my skin, the cool breeze that spins around me, but also the warm sun that still shines through the clouds on occasion. I breath deeply in this cool crisp air, I feel alive.

Soul Coaching - Nov 3 - Day 3 - Clearing Clutter in Your Bedroom/Bathroom.

Wow, this was a nice and easy day for me. After moving back in to my apartment after the fire things are already cleansed! My bathroom is a clean slate right now, nothing in the drawers or cabinets except for some shampoo and deodorant! My bedroom is a virtually blank too. I have my bed, my empty closet and empty dresser (I haven't moved my clothes in yet) my alter and a few nicknack's, pictures and vases. In fact my whole apartment is in this stage, as if Level 3 had already been completed for me!

Instead of having to worry about the clutter clearing I am focusing on breathing. Breathing in self acceptance, and breathing out self judgement. This was the main focus of my yoga practice this morning.

Soul Coaching - Nov 4 - Day 4 - Where Are You Now in Your Life?

Today's coaching fits in so well with what I have been recently trying to achieve in my life. Changing my dis empowering words and thoughts about myself (an others) to more empowering words. The law of attraction, changing your words really does change your life.

Today's lessons have been my favourite so far. I've really learned to take the seemingly negative and make it a positive. In accordance with this, I've realized that I am not fat, I am well insulated and ready for cold winter weather. lol

The Journey thus far has been amazing. The week of Air has really opened up alot for me and helped me clear out "junk". I am excited to start my week of Water. Here are my writings from the last few days.

Soul Coaching - Nov 5 - Day 5

As I walked through my home trying to understand the first level of today's workings I picked up various objects and quickly understood what Denise Linn is talking about. I my kitchen I have a set of three crystal canisters which hold my tea, sugar and flour. They are very special to me as they belonged to my Grandmother and one of my earliest memories is getting cups of sugar and flower from the canisters while helping her bake. I walked around my apartment looking at other objects. I came across a gift that I had bought my ex (then current) boyfriend. After the house fire I could have easily chosen to junk this piece of history, but I chose to save it, and reclaim as my own, I like it. I understand the value of her lesson, and how some objects can either raise or lower your energy but I'm sure as hell not going to throw out something I like just because it reminds me of an old fight here or there. If that were the case - everything I owned would be in the trash!

I completed the next two levels with ease. Since the air week has been about clearing and cleansing your space, I've had an easy time - honestly set your house on fire, it REALLY helps with the cleansing process!! lol


Soul Coaching - Nov 6 - Day 6

"I am safe and centered no matter where I am"

Mmmmmm, I just love this affirmation. I am someone who enjoys to feel safe and secure no matter where I am. As today's first level coincided with one of my commitments from a few days past the 15 minuets of quietness and emptiness were already on my to-do list. I don't really keep a schedule of my life. I do admit that I struggle with time management - sometimes I am really late, or really early. I've never thought to schedule joy or relaxation but it seems to be a wise notion. There is one thing that I think I could delegate from my schedule... Cleaning!! I think its time to get a housekeeper! lol

I cleaned out the files on my computer today. Got rid of old files, put pictures in the right folders and organized things on my digital desktop. I ran a virus scan, and backed up all my important files and photos and feel really good about it, its been something I had been putting off for a while.

Soul Coaching - Nov 7 - Day 7

I usually do my best to ask and watch for signs as I did today. While driving to the grocery store I hit every red light on my Journey. I love red lights because they are my reminder to slow down, stop, and take a deep breath. I've been asking myself all day "Why am I here"? The answers I usually hear are "To live, love and learn". I second guessed this for a while, wondering if that was a 'good enough' reason to be here... I guess its as good a reason as anything else would be. I'm not here to cure cancer, or to lead a country, just to be me, and after all, who I am is enough.

________________________________________


In General I wonder how everyone is doing with the Soul Coaching course? What are your true feelings? Personally I feel that the course is flying by. I barely have time to integrate the lessons into my being. I've found there are certain things I've breezed through, and other things I would have liked to spend a couple days on. I think after we've all finished I will give the book another look through, maybe spend 2 or 3 days on some of the affirmations and levels, really think about things, and really dive deeper into my soul. I've found that November has been unusually busy for me, perhaps that's part of the problem, along with no Internet - I just feel I am rushing through the lessons to keep up each day rather than really absorbing them well...

Hope everyone is doing well, I am glad I got a chance to catch up on every ones blog today! :)

Embrace the Journey,
Bret =)