Closets are for Clothes!

Inspired by the ever lovely Sacred Suzie I wanted to write a little bit about my "coming out" experience. Now, like Suzie, I've also transitioned from being in the "broom closet" to being out, but unlike Suzie that wasn't the last of my closet renovations ha-ha! I've also come out of the other closet, you know... The "closet" closet.

Being and accepting the fact that I was gay was actually surprisingly easy for me as the majority of my past lives were as a woman, it just seemed normal for me oddly enough. Telling others of my sexual preferences tho was difficult. A very select few of my friends knew in High school, I was very lucky to have a friend who was also a lesbian - and the perfect prom date; no pressure! Through High school and into my adult life I have always kept friends who are open minded, non-judgemental, and accepting. Even tho I grew up in a small city, friends like this weren't hard to find, we just sort of found each other by instinct. I was never ridiculed, or made fun of. No one centered me out or hazed me. There have been so many young lives lost, or taken because of their sexual preferences. I've certainly been lucky.

Coming out to my family was a little more difficult. My sisters have always been supportive, and from a young age (before I was ready to come out) they would constantly say to me: "Bret, we know you are Gay, its okay, we are your sisters, we love you and will always be here for you..." I denied it for a while, I think I was afraid to disappoint them. It was several years into my teenage years before I sat them down and exposed my sexuality. The typical response from them was: "Bret, we know, its okay. Can we go clothes shopping now?" lol

My mom was the person whom I was most afraid to tell, not because I thought she would disapprove, or disown me, but because I didn't want her to think for a second that she had did something wrong in rearing me. I didn't want her to feel that if she had done things different my life would be different, less complicated and therefore better. After all, all moms only want the best for their children... She stood silently in the kitchen washing dishes. I entered the room, quietly. I started to tell her; slowly engaging her in conversation, I said firstly, "mom did you hear that Rosie O'Donnell just came out of the closet, she is a LESBIAN!" She put down the dish she was washing without blinking an eye, and with her tea towel slung over her shoulder she put her hand on mine, and whispered gently, "Bret, it's okay, Mom's know these things..." and by the look in her big, accepting, loving brown eyes I knew that she knew. She smiled at me and picked up another dirty dish. I remember feeling lighter afterwards.

My dad has been another story, being an Aries male, he doesn't have any emotions except for distrust, anger and hate. He's never accepted me, and its taken me a long time to realize that I don't need his acceptance. I wont bore anyone with my sob story of how my dad has treated me over the years, and still continues too, but I've become a much stronger man in the past couple of months and no longer allow him to disrespect my personal temple. He actually refuses to come to family events that I host at my apartment in fear of running into a gay friend, or something else gay... I was shocked when he first admitted the reason why he hadn't visited, ever, in the 18 months I resided there. I think he must assume that while I'm making Thanksgiving dinner I host a gay orgy, and take breaks every 25 minuets to baste the turkey. Maybe hes just afraid to "catch the gay". It doesn't affect my spirit any longer.

Coming out of the Broom Closet was alot more difficult. I've always struggled with my personal beliefs. Throughout the years, even tho I've kept friends who are open minded and accepting, there have been a few who have turned their backs on me. Mostly out of fear. I find that people don't give the time for you to explain your convictions, after all its much quicker to pass judgement and walk away than to listen. Not that i've ever advertised my religious beliefs, or thrown them in any ones face I have always taken part in many Pagan/Wiccan activities; everything from reading tarot cards to raise money for the food drive "Project Share" in Niagara falls, to drumming circles and festivals. I've only been told a handful of times that I will burn in hell, or that I have no soul, and I've only had holy water thrown on me 3 times, I consider myself pretty lucky, it could have been worse. During a canned goods collection drive for less fortunate families in my community, a Christian group showed up to protest our efforts. They had signs and everything! They were chanting something to the affect that every non perishable food item we touched would be damned and unholy. Finally I yelled out "It's canned Peas! Of course its unholy!" They weren't impressed. It was sad, but as events progressed I actually had to phone the police, they had turned to throwing rocks at us, like it was 1604 or something.


My family of course had always been accepting, and follow the same path as me. My mom allowed us to explore different religions for ourselves, she believed that like Rome, God had many roads to him as well. My mom was very Magickal herself. Being the source of premonitions, psychic insight, empathic ability and clairvoyance she's always been their to guide us. My dad on the other hand is a "born again Christian", the kind that drink, swear, gamble, cheat on their wives and steal. I've never expressed my religious beliefs to him, although I do debate some Christian ideals with him. I've always said, what he doesn't know doesn't hurt him. lol There would just be no point. I won't give him another reason to try to desecrate my personal temple.

So there you have it, "This Guy's Journey" out of the Closets. Like I always say, like it or not, this is who I am, this is who I will always be. It's not a choice, it's just the direction my soul is taking this time around. Always be true to yourself.

Embrace the Journey,
Bret =)