Garage Sales with Boho

Every Saturday morning, Boho Mom and I crawl out of bed at 6am (in separate beds - don't get any ideas...), throw on some comfy clothes, run a tooth brush around, and set out on our Garage Sale Trek. Our first stop is Tim Hortons, because Boho Mom doesn't function without 3.8 gallons of Coffee in the morning, and I can barely get my eyes open with out a jug of Earl Grey Tea, sometimes we even swing back around for a refill...

This week we found some pretty great stuff!

I hit the jackpot when I found this cute Dora the Explorer Swing Back Chair for my niece Ksenia. She is obsessed with everything Dora right now. I got it for a steal at $5. I was also able to find her 3 of the Leap Frog learning systems, with about 30 different books and cartridges. I got those all for $5 as well. She was really excited when I dropped them off, her little face lit up and she screamed "I Love Dora!!!".

I got a few things for myself too. I found a Conair bath spa. A big mat that sits at the bottom of the bath tub, which hooks up to an air hose and machine that adds bubbles and jets into the bath. It is amazing. I was in the bath last night for an hour before bed.

Boho found some amazing wood benches. They were a solid dark wood, 10 feet long and beautiful. We both imagined them in her space, holding books, pillows, picture frames and other knickknacks. Sadly, they wouldn't fit in my car, even with the top down! We're both still a little upset that she missed out on such a great find! However she did find some great stuff. She found one of those micro fibre cube seats with great storage inside, and a very cool retro silver lamp with lime green shade!

(after unloading our 1st hour of saling)

I love my Saturday mornings with Boho, she is such an amazing friend. I really feel like I can tell her anything, and I do. I met Boho about 10 years ago; her now almost adult hatchling was only 4 years old, and oh so cute! Since then Boho has been a trusted confident and has made me pee my pants from laughing so hard countless times! I can't wait until next Saturday when we set out again to find some amazing stuff!

Until then, embrace the Journey

Bret

Catching UP!

Catching up.... Ketchup.. Get it?? lol

I can't figure out if Sunday is meant for relaxing at the END of a long busy week, or for preparing for the START of another long and busy week. Any Ideas?

Either way today is Sacred Sunday, and I plan to barricade myself in the kitchen and immerse myself in some traditional cooking.

I found a wonderful fresh, free range organic Turkey before Christmas, however with the business of the holidays I ended up freezing it. This morning I hauled its ass out of the deep freeze and presently it is thawing in the kitchen sink. I plan on whipping up some roasted garlic mashed potatoes, stuffing and lemon meringue pies as well.

I enjoy being in the kitchen (maybe a little too much), but ever since my Mom instilled me with her supreme cooking skills, and my Grandmother taught me her secret pie dough recipe I can't seem to tear myself away from the exciting whirl of a blender, or the pleasure of opening an oven to reveal a perfectly baked pie.

So now I am off to the groceries store, I have a few things to pick up before I am ready to put the Turkey and pies in the oven. Stay tuned, I will post some pictures tonight of my baking and cooking endeavours. Until then, check out 2 of my favourite bloggers who making cooking seem easy!

Suzie the Foodie - From cookies to turkeys. Suzie has some amazing dishes to check out.

Memoirs of a Meatless Year - Some of my favourite Vegetarian recipes are right here! Check out her Cashew Curry!

Embrace the Journey,

Bret

Where the HELL have I been?

It has been a few crazy months and too be honest; I've really missed the blogging world. It seems that every time I sit down to write or visit I am distracted by something else. I have about 10 half written blog posts that are still in the draft stage... One of my new years resolutions is too write more, I miss the creative outlet for my thoughts. Luckily we've been snowed in with the blast of Winter weather we've received in the past couple of days.
So.... Just a quick update while I think of something more interesting to write about. I'm off to visit everyone now! ;)

Embrace the Journey
Bret

Tearing down walls...

I really don't like being away from my blog and all of you for so long! As many of you know my laptop crashed and my access to the internet has been limited these past few months. As my cash is better spent on car repairs and such I haven't had the funds to replace my worn out laptop as of yet. I'm hoping to be back and running in the next month or two. I have to admit, although I've really missed my blogging friends (even tho I've been lurking when I get the chance) I've really enjoyed not being stuck on the couch in front of my TV and laptop especially since life has been so busy these past couple of months.

I've started a new job, I was working for Apple Computers, doing technical support for the iTunes application and iTunes accounts, and now I am back working in kind of an electrical/industrial atmosphere. I am working in the warehouse of one of my old electrical suppliers, its quite the change from my cushy purchasing job but I was really excited for the opportunity since it payed a bit better than Apple and has many more areas that I can climb the ladder there. I'm even getting use again to wearing steal toed safety boots, my feet ached for the first 2 weeks, and still kinda do. I have to start being cautious as to what I ask of the universe, I really wanted a more physically demanding job, but this has taken some time to get use too!

So life has been good, and I've been smiling again, its been a while...

It's 4:30 am now, and the end of a long day - think we are going to head to bed ;)

We're going to carve up some pumpkins tomorrow night and roast up the seeds, hopefully I can procure a camera and get some funny pics! (Another thing I need to get - a new camera - I feel naked with out it. Ya scary thought, I know...)

Anywho, hope you all have been well.
I've sincerely missed regularly following your blogs even tho I have gotten the chance to pop in a visit a few times. I'll be back up and running soon I hope!


Embrace the Journey,
Bret =)

...life

It's been a particularly rough "Mercury in Retrograde" for me. More and more things have gone wrong with my car, my cell phone quit working, my laptop is toast, and I have this general sense of coming unglued at the seams... I keep looking forward, leaving the small obstacles I encounter in the past where they belong, but its difficult to keep my head up. Increasingly more difficult everyday.

I sometimes forget how precious and delicate life is, things I should be grateful for seem to get drown out by the bitter betrayals of life and easily forgotten.

I was in Food Basics tonight, a local grocery store, when I had turned around for a loaf of bread and noticed a woman in a wheelchair with her back to me. Her son was helping her find some buns on the top shelf. From behind the woman resembled my mother, a delicate frail body with the same shade of red in her hair. I had to turn and walk away, leaving behind the bread, my eyes welled up with tears.

I quickly scrambled to gather the rest of my essential groceries and wait in line to check out. I turned around quickly startled by a shattering jar in the distance and behind me was the woman in the wheelchair. I noticed she was missing both of her legs, like my mom. She had neatly rolled up her pants and tucked in the excess fabric. I slowly lifted my head but couldn't help but to make eye contact with her. She smiled and for a minuet I was lost in her kind eyes.

My eyes swelled up, and tears began to roll down my face, I made no gesture to wipe them away.

"You've lost someone close to you" she said.
"My Mom..." I struggled to reply, trying to hold back a sea of tears. "I miss her a great deal"
She smiled and said "She must have been one hell of a woman"
"Yes" I replied, "she was".
She leaned closer and put her hand on my hip, "No matter what you do, I'm sure she is still with you, just differently then you are used too".
I put my hand on hers and again struggled to speak again "I hope so".

She smiled at me, which I returned, and preceded to load my groceries on the belt for the cashier that was now waiting for me, quietly and patiently.

It would have been my Mom's 60th birthday on Monday, I miss her terribly.
Not a day goes by where I don't think about her and miss her guidance and support.
I still feel her, but as the woman said, it is different now, more of a quiet whisper in a very loud room.

I rarely give myself the stillness required to hear that voice in my "busy" life. I need to make more time. I am in the process of starting to teach two yoga classes a week at our local library. I've asked for donations in the form of canned goods to be traded for classes, my mom always sent us with brown paper bags full of dry goods when our school or community had food drives. It seemed proper, to honour her memory and regain that stillness.

Life is delicate, and far too short.
Life is a gift - no matter what sort of box it comes in.

For today I am grateful for memories.
For today I am grateful for a strong mother who prepared us well for life's betrayals.
Today I am grateful.

Embrace the Journey, one day at a time.
Bret xoxo

Smiling...

A great deal goes into a smile you know... It takes 17 muscles just to make one...

I've been smiling more recently. Things are calming down at work; becoming less stressful. I haven't talked to my Dad or Sister since - obviously much less stress there... Each day I become more in tune with the rhythm of the universe. The Law of Conservation of Energy states that Energy cannot be created or destroyed, only changed. In my few years on this Earth in this body I've had a hard time with this "change" not really understanding why its a necessary part of life, and of course death. I accept the change, and understand its a natural part of life... That's my new affirmation.

These are a few of the times i've smiled this week:

When I painted this beautiful Watercolour of my Grandmothers Purple Iris'


When I watch the sun set this weekend on the beach, so still and quiet


The day I discovered and purchased this amazing piece of Amethyst and meditated all night

"Wing fest" at my sisters house... (We cooked over 250 wings)
I had JUST as many beers too! ;)

I've got to get back to discovering what makes me smile, rather than what makes me frown. Who the hell wants to spend life using all those muscles to frown (43 so I'm told) when you can take the lazy way out and smile! ;)

What makes YOU smile?

Embrace the Journey
Bret

Missing Her...

Today was the 2nd anniversary of my Mom's passing. My sister Leslie and I decided to have a quiet dinner at her house, it was nice. It hurt not being able to go to the family home for her anniversary, but I've come to realize that memories travel, they are not confined to buildings of wood and plaster.

It's been a rough month, if something could go wrong, it has. There have been issues at work, failing brakes on my car (luckily no one was in front of me), ugly family fights, and just a general missing of my Mom. These are the times when I need my Mom, I still feel her around, often smelling her Channel No. 5, it's just not the same, but I am thankful to have anything left.

My mom was always there for me. Always. She was the one I could depend on. Sometimes that's reversed for people, but not for me. She was always there for advice, comfort, to boost my self esteem and so much more, she really came through for us, and in the end we came through for her too. I just wish she was still here to sort out all my problems and to reassure me that things will be okay - even if they are out of my hands.

I guess I know all that, she prepared us well - but sometimes I get lost on my path, she was the light.

It's 10pm now, and I am physically and emotionally drained - so I am off for a hot bath, then into bed. Hope everyone had a great day.

Blessings.
Embrace the Journey,
Bret

...in the Storm

First... Thank you for the kind, warm, and supporting comments that everyone has left. I feel truly privileged to have such an amazing group of blogging friends!

I am sitting on the couch tonight, in the dark. The gale force winds, barrage of lighting, and torrential down pouring of rain has knocked out my power and I sit here only illuminated by the glow of my laptop screen and the flashes of light through my living room windows.

My heart this past week has felt very much like the storm outside. The uncontrolled pounding of fury has gotten the better of me on more than one occasion, but nevertheless I am on the mend. This journey of mine has certainly taken me through hell and back yet still, I feel blessed to have the memories that I do have - I realize there are others who have nothing.

The rain beats against the glass paned windows and I can see the silhouette of my cat peering down at the flooded street below whenever lighting strikes. He's not afraid of the stormy weather, and he inspires me not to be either. For even though lighting sometimes strikes, eventually the clouds do part and the sun does again shine.

I've done a great deal of self reflection in the past few days, accompanied by some deep soul searching. Again I come to realize there is little I can do to change the course of events that the universe throws at me, and even less I can do to change another. I can only make changes in my own thoughts and hope my actions will follow. When it boils down to it, there isn't a hell of alot that can be done otherwise.

The other morning I woke up still whimpering from a dream. I was in our family home, and my mom's cat "Kitsey" jumped up on the kitchen counter and said my name. I was baffled that the cat could speak until my mom announced that she was speaking threw the cat. She asked me what was happening, each word forced as it seemed it was a struggle for her to speak threw the animal. I had explained, and she nodded in disappointment. She listened to me talk for a few minuets then told me she had to go. Before you leave, I said, what can I do to make you proud? "Live" she replied. So here I am living... It's all any of us can do.

Sitting here in the dark I can only wonder what is next for me.
Until then, Embrace the Journey.
Bret

when the glue fails...

Mom was the Glue, she always was. Our family lost its glue nearly 2 years ago, and things have been falling apart ever since...

My Dad decided he is moving some whore into the house. Yup, I said it, whore... She has different motives, we can tell. I overheard her say in a conversation to my dad "I am not trying to win any sort of step mother of the year award, no one is going to tell me what to do". That when I decided it was time to fight back. My sisters and I went into the house and started to clear out all of our possessions, we decided not to leave anything of ours in the house.. Who knows, Ontario law states after 6 months of living together and they are common law married and we loose all claim.

We tried to talk reason into my dad, but he wouldn't hear any of it. Now that hes found his new Whore he basically wants nothing to do with us... Oh did I mention he thinks its okay to have sex with this woman, in my moms bedroom (the room she passed away in) while her ashes are hidden in a drawer instead of on her dresser? Ya, that's what I am dealing with. We were removing our things, and everything was fine, until my little sister took her and my moms special collection of Christmas snowmen. My older sister wanted them, just to hurt my younger sister - she has been trying to hurt us for years. Shari, my older sister didn't say anything until the next day when we found that she had taken my 1/2 my moms China set of dishes that were already promised to my little sister Leslie.

It's always been Leslie and I against Shari and Dad. They are so much alike, both the most ignorant, hurtful, violent people I have ever met. She uses abortion as a form of control against her husband. She is sick. Found out recently that my Dad was a wife beater. It only adds fuel to my fire. The day ended in fist fights, words I am not proud of saying, and a total and complete severing in the family. It was long overdue.

We removed 99% of our stuff from the house, and if I never set foot in there again I am happy. I am still going back for the rest of my sisters dishes. After I've gotten the rest of our things we've decided to burn the rest of the furniture so there is nothing left. Figured if Dad wants to start over, he should do it right.

What makes people turn on each other? Is it money? Greed? Jealousy? I just don't get it. What makes people so inconsiderate that they trample on the emotions of others. I can't for the life of me understand a woman (who apparent has been in love with my dad since she was 12) that would want to come into a house, 2 years later, and have sex in the bed where my mother had died. Do people not have any self respect at all?

I am so happy that the universe keeps a balance.
I am so happy that everyone in time receives their Karma.

I am literally exhausted. I need to sleep. I've been dealing with all this, trying to work all this out in my head - hoping it will make sense, but it just doesn't. I am at a loss of what to do next. I can't talk to my dad, it just ends literally in a fist fight. I want to kill my older sister, literally. I hope she drives her car off a cliff. I think there is one of these in every family...

Anyways, I am off to bed.
Embracing an Axe.
Bret

Sacred Sunday ... Baking with Grams

There are many things to me that are sacred, most relate to my childhood, at a time when I felt safe, complete and greatly loved. Before I knew what paying bills was all about, or the sadness caused by death and great loss, and long before my first broken heart, I was carefree, when the only disappointment was sleeping in too late on a Saturday morning and missing a Scooby doo episode.

This is the period in my life that shaped the man I am today, the good and bad. Time spent with my Mother and Grandmother, sacred time, memories that I cherish because they are all I have left. Time is cruel, only moving forward, never letting us revisit the past, like an hourglass glued to the table.

We had my Uncles 65th birthday yesterday, a family reunion, at my Aunt and Uncles farm in the Country, it felt incomplete. The family; separated by death, divorce and feuding. My grandmother was the glue, the matriarch of our family, the one who organized Christmas', birthdays and picked me up that one time I ran away from home. When my grandmother took ill the responsibility naturally passed to my mother, only a daughter-in-law, but too my grams so much more. Since my moms passing two years ago I've tried my best to fill the gaps left behind. Planning family dinners, quilting blankets for the baby, working in the flower beds, doing my best to honor them both everyday, in the traditions in which they raised me. I miss them terribly.

I was always taught to be a grateful guest and never arrive empty handed. My Aunt was having the celebration catered, but my sister and I told her that we would also bring some deserts as well. My younger sister Leslie baked 50 'butter tarts', one of Grams most favourite recipes. I spent Saturday morning baking as well and made 6 pies; 2 Graham Wafer, 2 Field Berry, and 2 Lemon Meringue. I have my Grandmothers crystal flour, sugar and tea canisters, and her talent for pastry. When I bake I feel her in the room with me, often catching a whiff of her "Explanation" perfume.

Here are some pictures from my morning of baking:

Getting the Dough Ready for the Pie Crusts

Lining the Bake Pans with the Dough

Field Berry (Bumble Berry Pie) Filled with Strawberries, Raspberries
Blackberries, Blueberries and Rhubarb.

The Meringue Pies Browning up in the Oven

The Thin Coat of Flour on my Kitchen Floor!
Yes, I am a messy baker ;)

The pies were a hit and my uncles said they tasted just like my Grandmothers. In no time at all the butter tarts and pies were gone, leaving some of the birthday cake untouched. I felt honored to carry on one of my Grandmothers traditions. I am thankful for my Aunt who planned the occasion, its hard to get together these days.

My Great Aunts came too. It was hard, they look so much like my Grandmother, and sound just like her too. I found myself closing my eyes while they spoke, pretending I was listening to my Grams, seeing her face in my mind. Tears that somehow found their way past my tightly closed eyelids were quickly brushed away and went unnoticed. All in all, it was a wonderful day.

Now for me, I better get back to scrubbing the dried pastry and flour off the kitchen floor, I've had the floor damp now for a good hour so it shouldn't be too difficult, I hope!

Embracing the Journey, and a bucket of suds.
Bret